Why Do We Struggle with Negative Emotions?
Have you ever had moments like these?
- You try your best, but still wonder: “Am I just not good enough?”
- One small mistake makes you feel like a total failure.
- You want to change, but you keep delaying, and days go by.
These feelings are more than just mood swings. Often, they come from the way we think.
The CBT Framework, also known as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, is a simple and practical framework that helps you understand the link between your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. It was developed in the 1960s by psychiatrist Aaron T. Beck, and it’s widely used today in therapy, coaching, and self-help.
Instead of forcing yourself to “stay positive,” CBT teaches you how to notice and shift the thoughts that shape your emotions. It’s not about ignoring reality — it’s about understanding how your thinking patterns affect how you feel and act.
Thoughts, Emotions, Behaviors – All Connected
At the heart of CBT is one simple idea:
It’s not the situation that causes your emotions — it’s how you think about it.
CBT focuses on the triangle of:
- Thoughts (what you tell yourself)
- Emotions (how you feel)
- Behaviors (what you do)

These three parts influence each other. Let’s take a closer look:
Thoughts
These are the messages you say to yourself, often automatically.
Negative thoughts can become patterns, especially when repeated.
Here is a list of negative thoughts you should avoid:
Cognitive Distortion | Explanation | Example |
---|---|---|
All-or-Nothing Thinking | Thinking in extremes — black or white, with no middle ground. Unable to accept “gray areas.” | “If I don’t succeed, I’m a total failure.” “If they act like this, they must be against me.” |
Overgeneralization | Using one negative detail to judge your whole self or situation. | “I made a small mistake at work, so I must be completely useless.” |
Mental Filters | Focusing too much on negative details while ignoring the positives. | “Even though I passed other subjects, I got one bad grade and now I feel like a complete failure.” |
Discounting the Positive | Denying or minimizing positive experiences or achievements, thinking they “don’t count.” | “Even though I spoke well, it was just luck — it doesn’t mean I’m capable.” |
Jumping to Conclusions | Making assumptions without evidence. | “He didn’t reply — he must hate me.” “If I try this, I’ll definitely fail.” |
Magnification / Minimization | Blowing negatives out of proportion or shrinking positives. | “Getting this award isn’t a big deal.” “Others got good results too, mine means nothing.” |
Emotional Reasoning | Believing that your feelings reflect the truth. | “I feel anxious, so I must not be prepared.” “I feel guilty, so I must have done something wrong.” |
“Should” Statements | Rigid rules for yourself or others, using “should,” “must,” or “ought to.” Creates guilt and stress. | “I should do better or I’m a failure.” “Why can’t I always do everything perfectly?” |
Labelling | Attaching negative labels to yourself. | “I failed, so I’m a loser.” “I’m just a useless person.” |
Personalization and Blame | Blaming yourself for everything, even things beyond your control. | “He didn’t greet me — I must have done something wrong.” |
Emotions
Your feelings are shaped by how you interpret events. Harsh thoughts can lead to anxiety, shame, or sadness.
Behaviors
How you act is often a result of how you feel. If you think you can’t do anything right, you might avoid challenges or give up easily.
By learning to recognize and question unhelpful thoughts, you can change how you feel and respond.
How to Use CBT: 4 Practical Steps
CBT is not just theory — it’s a tool you can use in everyday life. Here’s a simple 4-step method you can try:
Step 1: Identify Your Thought
When a strong emotion hits, pause and ask: “What was I just thinking?”
Example: “I keep procrastinating. I’m useless.”
Step 2: Explore the Reason Behind It
Where does this thought come from? Maybe you believe: “Successful people are always productive.” But in reality, everyone has off days. Slowing down doesn’t mean you’re a failure.
Step 3: Challenge the Thought
Talk back to your inner critic using facts:
- “I didn’t finish everything today, but I did organize my ideas.”
- “I’ve handled tough tasks before. I’m not useless. I’m just overwhelmed.”
Step 4: Take Small Action
Instead of staying stuck, take one helpful step.
Example: “I’ll draft a simple outline tonight. Tomorrow, I’ll build on it.”
When you act, even a little, your emotions begin to shift too.
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Tips for Practicing CBT in Daily Life
- Don’t fight your emotions. Learn from them. Emotions show you what you’re thinking — and that’s where change starts.
- Watch for common thinking traps, like:
- All-or-nothing thinking: “If I don’t succeed, I’m a failure.”
- Catastrophizing: “One mistake means everything is ruined.”
- Labeling: “I failed once, so I must be worthless.”
CBT teaches you: these are just patterns, not truths — and you can change them.
- Practice regularly. CBT is a skill. The more you reflect and challenge your thoughts, the stronger your mind becomes.
Final Thoughts
CBT is not about ignoring problems or pretending to be happy. It’s about understanding your mind, breaking free from negative cycles, and making small changes that lead to big growth.
You don’t have to be trapped by your thoughts. You can learn to think differently — and live more clearly, more kindly, and more confidently.
If you or someone close to you feels stuck in emotional struggles, CBT might be worth a try.